The Old School Runescape community has come together to celebrate the achievement of a local legend 208 days in the making – except for one player who lost a bet and instead had to "pour hot coffee on [his] butthole."
Technically, this saga started on October 5, 2022 when OSRS player heytomsmyname began a grind (opens in new tab) to obtain the giant squirrel Agility pet by running 100 laps of the penguin Agility course every day, all while sharing a new penguin fact each day to stay in character. This pet has a drop rate of 1 in 9,779 from the Penguin course, and that's actually the best rate of any Agility course, so obviously it took a while. Tom wasn't able to get the squirrel drop and "leave the icy prison" until yesterday, May 2, with just over 25,000 laps of the course completed (he "had some days with facts saved in advance").
Tom's regular posts about running 100 penguin laps daily had become a cornerstone of the OSRS Reddit community. His last post explained the foraging habits of the yellow-eyed penguin, for example. So when he finally got the squirrel, the celebration was bittersweet – a mix of congratulations and farewells for a community hero. Tom's big post even made it to r/all through sheer enthusiasm, no doubt leaving many Redditors to wonder what this penguin man is on about.
Needless to say, it was especially bitter for Reddit user TessaHolly, who replied to Tom's 208th post betting that: "If you get it tomorrow I will have my fiancé pour hot coffee on my butthole."
Folks, he got it tomorrow.
After a barrage of reminders from the peerlessly good-natured OSRS Reddit community, which simply would not let this butthole escape unscathed, TessaHolly actually went through with it. Obviously, the resulting video is NSFW. If you want to see the proof, you can find it on TessaHolly's profile (opens in new tab). "Have an ice day you freaks, grats on the pet," the post reads.
This being the story of the century, I was eager to talk to TessaHolly about the bet gone wrong. He says I caught him working out, which I found encouraging because it suggests the, uh, recovery process wasn't too bad.
"It's tender like burning your upper mouth after eating a hot pizza too early," TessaHolly explained. "I had a Yeti ice block up my butt last night while I trained Agility." The absolute irony.
I simply had to ask how TessaHolly's fiancé responded to this particular request – how does one ask their partner, 'hey honey can you pour coffee on my ass' – and his response leaves no room for doubt that this is true love.
"Her face lit up like a Christmas tree and she said 'Okay!!!! Can I show my friends after?' There was no confused, puzzled response from her. We are an odd couple. She was trying to get me to lay on my back instead and you know, I'm like, no way. Not a chance.
"Funny thing is, she was more worried about our neighbors seeing than my own well-being for my butthole," TessaHolly adds. "[Our neighbor] likes to smoke on [our shared balcony]. Would've been hilarious if she came out."
I also spoke to Tom himself, who's relaxing at home with his new pet squirrel – obviously named Penguin. "I think that he thinks he's a penguin from being at the iceberg for so long until he found me eventually," he says.
Tom explains that sharing his Agility grind with the OSRS community in this way "gave me the extra motivation to keep going even when I felt like giving up a lot. The community backed me more than I anticipated. Very thankful."
After running this Agility course for so long, he's gotten things down to a science and generally spends about one minute on each lap, though his times were much slower at the beginning of this grind. That helps put things in perspective; even 500 hours of penguin Agility is a conservative estimate.
Tom says he was "extremely surprised" by the turnout for his long-awaited achievement. "It just started out as some lighthearted posts on the side to make the grind more enjoyable. I did not expect to go so long, and I didn't think that TessaHolly would follow through. Gladly proved us all wrong though and that is the cherry on top of getting the pet."
If you're an OSRS player yourself, you can join Tom at a penguin course afterparty at 10pm BST in world 341 today, May 3.
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